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What happens when you have the power to get what you want? When you have money, beauty, status, influence, authority and/or sexual power to make things happen. When you feel slightly above, elevated, very sure of yourself? When your legs are long, your arms are strong, your bank accounts are overflowing and you get invited to this and that? When you turn people’s heads in the street? When you are certain of your invincibility, and you can buy yourself whatever you want? When no price is too high, no fantasy too out there, no dream too big? When you admired, worshipped, under high demand?
It’s easy to be above and beyond things, to loose contact with reality, to forget your good manners and humanness. It becomes easy to forget that other people have feelings, too, that they have struggles and are just human, too. When you have power, it seems extra important to keep yourself in check. To be extra aware of the power you hold. Power is access to resources. That can be financially, or emotionally.
THE STORY
I have told you tales before about the six years I spent mainly on the African continent. I had the huge privilege of following my heart and desire, of following the pulls, the red threads to live life in many different places. You might also know that, in hindsight, a lot of it was running away. But that’s a different story.
Have you ever found yourself in places where you obviously were the one in power? When you are teaching, presenting, leading, you are in power. When you are on stage, you are in power. When you are truly listening to someone sharing their hearts deepest sorrows, you are in power. When you are really in your body, radiating your sexual aliveness and vibrancy, you are in power. When you have something somebody else would kill for, you are in power. When you have easy access to healthcare, water, nourishing food, you are in power. When you have choice, you are in power. When you have financial wealth, you are in power. When you are educated, you are in power. When you know how to express yourself, you are in power. When somebody is really attracted to you, you are in power. When you feel at home in your body, you are in power. When I lived in one of the poorest and least developed countries in the world, I was in power. It felt exhilarating and crushing simultaneously. All those examples I listed, I experienced. I experience. Writing this makes me notice that I am in power a lot, more than I am aware of. Which brings me to a tremendously important point - it’s easy to become an asshole when you’re in power. I’ve definitely done that before. I become entitled, arrogant, removed, unkind, ugly in a personality sense. I’m not proud of who I am in those moments. Power comes in so many expressions and layers. The experience of holding it or giving it away are vastly different. So are the experience of savouring it or fearing it. And once again, they might all go together and show up in the same moment, in the same scene, the same setting. How fucking confusing is that?
Having lived in Malawi, Morocco and many other places, plus working in diplomacy (have you ever held a service passport? The ultimate power trip, let me tell you) and corporate law, plus being blessed with beauty and strength, plus a university degree, emotional and intellectual intelligence, being well educated, well read, and well traveled, brought out my inner entitled bitch. Let me correct that, brings out my inner bitch. And looking her straight into the eye can be a challenging affair, that’s for sure. Also, I love my power. For some of it, I fought blood, sweat and tears. Still do. Some of it scares me. Yes, my own power terrifies me.
THE PATTERN
Power doesn’t automatically corrupt. It can reveal what was already there. You know, when they say money spoils people? I disagree. I think it only brings out what was already there. Kind people stay kind. Assholes might become bigger jerks. My curiosity here? What does power reveal about our character, desires, restraint and capacity to relate? Power and our awareness of being in power, or maybe power is something we take, we claim, we own, can liberate us. Maybe it makes us take ourselves less important. That might seem like a juxtaposition, but look at it for a second. When we fake it till we make it we might care less and be more free which ultimately makes us more powerful. What happens to our desires when the usual constraints disappear? In case empathy, compassion and connecting with yourself and others on a deeper level were always challenging for you, power will not help. It takes the determination of an elephant to stay present with oneself, our deepest motives, and ugliest desires, especially when we become more powerful. Continuous curiosity and reflection are a prerequisite for being a powerful, great human being.
On the flip side, we can be powerful in many dimensions, and profoundly powerless in others. Look at the billionaire who is terrified of rejection. Someone with zero financial leverage can have immense erotic influence. No external impression automatically tells us who has the true power, the freedom to choose, to be sovereign, who is safe, or who holds the power in no matter which kind of relationship.
And then add the layer of enjoying having power over someone, or the enjoyment of being powerless, and the probable judgment, secrecy and shame. It’s a wild world.
THE INVITATION
Dropping a few truth bomb questions here with you: Who am I when I hold power? Am I aware? Am I still a decent human being? Can you hold power without needing to dominate, manipulate, rescue or extract? Who are you when nobody can stop you? What if we stopped pretending to be powerless where we aren’t? Where are we giving power away? Where are we making somebody else responsible when they truly are not? Where are we denying having power?
Continue to SOCIETAL REFLECTIONS and EMBODIED INQUIRY.
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